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The Sign of Four
• Date published: July 27, 2009
• Originally published in Jaalmag.com
• April 15, 2009
Some people can really be naïve. And some are still more naïve to understand the naivete that they inexorably exude. Our stuttering parrot of a Bollywood superkhan, Shahrukh Khan, is of course in such a league of his own.
Even the egomaniacal Amir Khan cannot stoop to such low levels. And pardon my spellings for the names. These days it is easier to keep track of IPL captaincy changes than to monitor the ways these self-effacing stars keep changing their names to suit their astrological predilections.
Yeah, before we digress too much off-pitch, let's get back to the nets. Yes, yes, yes, we were on Rukruk Khan. Or, whatever Khan he happens to be at the time of going to the Press. Or, whatever. Yeah, Jaalmag did happen to catch up with Shah Rukh Khan on the sidelines of the Indian Premier League 2009. No, we won't tell you "where" exactly. We can only tell you that this wasn't anywhere near Kolkata.
Talks in fool swing
• Date published: June 15, 2001
We have long known about the adage of not being able to fool all the people all the time.
K Padmanabhaiah returned from Bangkok in June all smug, and appeared on this satellite channel and the other trying to have us all believe that the recalcitrant Naga hostiles had been fool-fledgedly emasculated. They would not pull out from the so-called talks and the silly ceasefire. Experts appeared on the idiot box; other specialists wrote their perfunctory pieces on the great Naga ceasefire. Everyone seemed to pretend that everything was on the right track. They were all fooling a fast one. Who's fooling who? Here are some answers.
Chitti Chitti Bong Bong
• Date published: May 15, 2001
Question time, folks.
What was common to the states of Assam and West Bengal which went to the hustings earlier this month?
Possible Answer Number 1: Those who calculatedly made the wrong alingments, forfeited their electoral fortunes.
Possible Answer Number 2: Saffron did a fade-out: losers on either side of the chicken neck Siliguri corridor.
Possible Answer Number 3: The Bongs from opaar-Bongland vouched for and shaped the winners.
Possible Answer Number 4: All of the above.
If you opted for number 1, you are correct. If you chose option number 2, you are still correct. If you thought 3 is right, you are not off the mark either. But if you chose 4, you would have got all correct. (You can try for a KBC seat, some time). Actually, you don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure that one out. (We know rocket scientists don't participate in KBC either).
Borderline patriotism
• Date published: April 15, 2001
After the event, we fools are inevitably wise. Through all these years Bengladeshis have tampered our demographic landscape contiguous with their godforsaken land beyond redemption and recognition. But, it suited all those for whom these aliens vouched for at the hustings. It did not suit those who were more paranoid about the silent invasion by them infidel Mozies. There was no clarion call for patriots vis-à-vis Indianism (a new term, some upstart English-speaker coined recently). Political decisions, after all, are taken on the bedrock of what beds you and what rocks.
Hype hype hurray
• Date published: January 15, 2001
Good books are not written anymore. They are marketed. Bad books are not written anymore either. They are marketed too. Bibliophiles never had it so bad in India as they did in the last decade of the twentieth century. Writing and publishing was never the same, as even in the Eighties. It did not matter whether you were a good writer or bad; as long as your publisher was able to market it (read, hype it beyond all limits of fertile imagination), you would have earned your buck - fast and slow. That's where the buck stopped.
The task of compiling lists of tens is always one that is thankless - so, when Jaalmag decided to collate an index of ten most hyped books of the Nineties, there was a minor hitch. No, it was not one about which over-hyped book to include, but which one not to exclude. The best way out was to randomise ten from hundreds.
Female MPs and their right to pose for calendars
Anything being done for the first time generates a lot of interest, both in the media as well as among the consuming public who devour such coverage. So when it comes to female MPs posing in a glam calendar, the interest generated is bound to be on the higher side. As it was when the Public Affairs (VV – Veci verejne) party in the Czech Republic started selling a 2011 calendar featuring photographs of some of its leading female members, including four newly sworn-in lawmakers, clad in revealing outfits and posing provocatively.
Food for thought: It is time to junk Haldirams and Nestlé
It's an irony of sorts. One of the most popular food chains in India is arguably one of the worst when it comes to food safety. Haldirams has been rated Red in Greenpeace's Safe Food Guide version 2.0 that ranks 25 of the most popular food companies which hold a major share of the market in the country. Based on their responsibility towards Indian consumer on the GM food issue, the Guide categorises companies as Green, Yellow and Red.
Apart from Haldirams, other major companies that have made it to the Red list include Nestlé, Pepsico, Cargill, Hindustan Unilever Ltd, Britannia, Godrej Hersheys Ltd, MTR, Parle Biscuits Pvt Ltd, Agrotech, Surya Foods, Amul, GSK, FieldFresh (Bharathi Enterprises] and Kelloggs. These companies have not taken any concrete steps to provide Indian consumers with GM free food for now or in future thereby being irresponsible, says Greenpeace. Now, that kind of blacklists half of one's favourites in the market that sees little or no regulation.